All I Want For Christmas is one of my favorite Christmas songs — if not the top — and so I was very excited when I saw Michael Bublé had this on his new album. However, that excitement does not compare to the excitement I felt when I listened to the song and fell madly, deeply, in love with it. Enjoy.
“The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you’re not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don’t take it personally when they say ‘no’ — they may not be smart enough to say ‘yes.’”—Keith Olbermann
I love wrapping presents, or so I thought. The thing is, I love unwrapping presents, so I always think of how much fun the whole process is. Then days like yesterday happen.
…I brought all my presents to work, to hopefully accomplish more than… well, nothing… at work. So I wrapped them. Some were sent to far-off destinations like Chicago. Some were securely placed in boxes, and others were tossed into a bag. (FYI — I later realized it was pointless to wrap the latter because they are going with me to Dallas, and thus will require rewrapping… but here we are.)…
Anyway, back to my revelation. I realized that I somewhat despise wrapping presents. Why you ask?!
I can NEVER cut from end to end of the paper without it slightly ripping somewhere along the way.
Anything that is not in a box looks ridiculous in wrapping paper. (Really, WHY are things not packaged better?)
SO MUCH TAPE.
My lack of creativity means the only decoration besides the paper is one of those peel-and-stick bows. And maybe a To/From tag. MAYBE.
Seriously, how much more would it cost to just put your stuff in a box?! Why a tube? Or an open faced box?! Just put it in a box! A FULL box.
I can never get the sizes right. Always too much or too little paper. Never the right size. Thus, the sides of the boxes are never even.
And, most importantly, because I wrap so late (because I finish shopping so late) it cannot even be enjoyed for more than a day before it is ripped to shreds in a matter of seconds.
I find my anger at wrapping very similar to my anger at painting and really, anything in life. Maybe it’s rooted in my fear of commitment, or my deep-seeded nomadic lifestyle (which are one in the same I’m sure, thanks Mom!), or possibly just laziness. But really, what’s the point in painting an apartment I know I’ll be leaving in a few years and will just have to paint back to that ugly eggshell color that I can never really find the right match to, so then I have to paint the entire apartment — because I’m mildly crazy — so I can get the left over $400 of that security deposit after they charge me for carpet cleaning, basic cleaning and “light hole patching” (I mean, really, what the hell is that? Just charge me for Air Purifying or something while you’re at it. Light hole patching? Come on.)? (You forgot this was originally part of a question, didn’t you?)
Anyway, presents are wrapped. And this time next year, I will have forgotten about how much I hate wrapping and will excitedly turn on my Christmas playlist and set myself up with the presents, wrapping paper, scissors, tape, and those classy peel-and-stick bows. And maybe those To/From tags. Maybe.
To those of you who have not had the pleasure yet, follow George Takei on Facebook. He posts some of the funniest things this side of the galaxy. (That was intended to be a funny Star Trek joke thing, but I have no clue about any of that stuff, so here we are… me trying to be funny, and no one finding me funny. Ah, familiarity.)
I saw this video of SNL’s Tarran Killam recreating Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend” video and instantly fell in love with this song. Although it doesn’t completely do it justice, I prefer the recreation over the real video, even if the original is pretty cool. Either way, the song is catchy.
I have a serious condition. In this day in age, once something is diagnosed, it should be easy to find a cure. This is not. This plagues much of the population, targeting any and all people with deadlines or plans of any sort. This is procrastination. It is fueled by things like Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, and cat videos, and it is an epidemic — or pandemic, I forget which is worse. The only solution to this serious affliction is to end the internet. You may say, “That is a drastic step, don’t you think?” and to that I ask you, if it meant the health and safety of a thousands, even MILLIONS of people, don’t you think it’s worth it? Really.
I can only imagine how much I would get done if there wasn’t a video of some guy trying to do something — ANYTHING — and somehow always ends up getting hit in the balls (it’s always the balls), or a screenshot of someone’s autocorrect failure (really, how many times can your phone autocorrect fuck to duck before it learns that you’re just a foul-mouthed cretin? I thought they were supposed to be smart phones), or a cute craft project someone posted on Pinterest that I somehow convince myself I will do, even though I know that only two things could actually come of that — the most likely being that I will not even attempt it, the second being that I attempt it and the adorable owl in their photo turns out looking much more like a dog who’s had a stroke and I give up on crafts forever… or at least until I forget about that and find the next cute thing on Pinterest. Without these things, I could quite possibly rule the world.
So, at that, I am declaring war on the internet. Please sign the petition attached and call your Congressmen and women. With your help, we can create a better future for the children of today.
(Please spare me the irony that I’m declaring war on the internet ON the internet. How else would I reach all the others suffering from finals-induced procrastination?)